Surprising I hadn’t heard of Cloverfield until very recently. I had somehow managed to avoid the viral advertising and the speculation that inevitably rose from it. This is hugely beneficial from the point of a review, as I’m completely unbiased to the film.Cloverfield has been described as “a cross between: Godzilla, 9/11 and the Blair-witch project” by quite a few of my friends. In theory this could make the best action movie ever, it could be the most jaw-dropping and cinematically shallow production ever created. Indeed it could even be good.
The film opens with the sound of the monsters footsteps getting closer, and then quickly moves onto telling us that the footage that we’re about to be shown was found in the area formerly known as central park. I do have a minor problem with this already, if the footage was found in the area formerly known as central park, and the military or whatever know that the area was central park, why isn’t it still called central park?
We are then treated to the first camera work featured in the film, which is truly difficult to watch. Indeed it’s so bad that three people leave the cinema and never return. In this footage we are introduced to Rob and his girlfriend Beth, who are both jackasses who I don’t care about.
The film then cuts to Rob’s surprise goodbye party, where we are gradual introduced to some more jackasses who I don’t care about, including the man who will be filming the rest of the film, Hud. Hud’s defining characteristics are that he says dude a lot, screams “Oh my god!” whenever anything happens and films everything badly, much like everyone else in the film.
After we’re introduced to Hud, we get to meet more jackasses, who are all identical and who incidentally I DON’T CARE ABOUT! It is then revealed that Beth has broken up with Rob ‘cause she’s a bitch, she leaves and the film continues along on its horribly boring path. I wouldn’t mind if these sequences didn’t take up a third of the films runtime and the camera wasn’t practically thrown around all the time.
After 30 minutes of quite possibly unscripted behaviour, we hear a really, really loud bang and all the lights go out. I sit up out of my cocoon of despair, take care to notice that another 4 people have left and begin to watch the film. Our “heroes” and begin to watch the film. Our “heroes” make their way up to the roof, and watch the gigantic explosion in the distance. Wait a minute, the monster explodes?
Anyway the explosion sends rubble scattering everywhere, which would be quite frankly boring if it wasn’t filmed this way, but when filmed this ways it’s... mundane. Seriously is this all the film has? I was expecting something that would keep me on the edge of my seat, but I’ve watched about a third of this and I feel like I’ve been here for days.Anyway our heroes run down onto the street, which considering that the roofs are blowing up is probably not too bad an idea, actually it’s the most intelligent things our heroes have done so far, and I wouldn’t keep your hopes up for later on...
When our heroes finally make it onto the street, they stand around and film stuff, that is until the statue of liberty’s head almost crushes them! Alright I admit it that was impressive, but it’s got to be a high point right?
Anyway after this occurrence our heroes stand around and film stuff again... Oh and there’s a little bit of cultural irony here, Hud films a film of the head! The irony of it all! I hate Abrams (the director, apparently, although I really don’t think he did anything at all) now. More people leave the cinema, I don’t because I’ve seen worse.
Did I mention the huge clouds of billowing smoke in the sky, probably coming from the exploding thingies? It’s all very 9/11ish and it’s full of subtext which doesn’t really mean anything. To be totally honest I’m not even sure Abrams knows what subtext is, this is the man who created Lost a television show so stupid that it features polar bears on a tropical island, in fact on second thought I’m not even sure Abrams knows what 9/11 is.
Anyway the “plot” continues on as our “heroes” attempt to get out of New York via the bridge, which destroyed by a gigantic tail, which looks quite cool and for some reason makes the main character decide to go and get Beth back, which makes absolutely no sense. The cinema is almost empty me, my friends and few similar groups are all that remain.
The “characters” then try to get to Beth’s apartment, and to cut a long story short Cloverfield results in the most action packed, and tense monster movie ever filmed, all due to the camera gimmick. Cloverfield has millions of problems the most glaring of these are that: · It means nothing.· It’s not acted.· The film avoids doling out horror movie stereotypes by making all the characters the same person.· It’s not scripted.Yet despite all this Cloverfield is still the best monster movie ever. It’s tense, surprisingly dramatic, quite scary, and actually very mysterious.
6/10 (Note: Possibly a 7 if you don’t give a shit about subtext.)
P.S. [SPOILER] For all of you who want the end of the story told from my perspective, and speculations for the sequel, look down.·
Plot ending: All the annoying wankers die, and the monster escapes, all in all a really happy ending.·
Sequel: Not much else happens, J.J.Abrams pretends to understand politics, and there might be polar bears in New York. Who knows? More to the point who cares anymore?
Tuesday, 1 April 2008
Juno Review
Juno has been praised as one of the wittiest and funniest comedies of 2007, despite it being one of four comedies that tackled the subject of unwanted pregnancy in the same year. Okay so nothing’s going to justify the fact that I’m watching a movie with “chick flick” written all over it, but I simply had to find out why this is so much better than similar films right?
The film starts with a sort cartoon version of Juno (Ellen Page) walking down the street, drinking Sunny D to some truly horrific music. My main problem with this is the sheer length of this section, well that and the music which is now eating away at my brain and trying to destroy any sign of intelligence in the audience.
Now I’m going to stop going on about the music because if I ever even remember it again I may have to kill myself. Anyway after about 5 minutes of insipid music and credits we finally get some dialogue, basically Juno needs a pregnancy test, but she’s so violent towards the shop-keeper that I’m not surprised that he doesn’t smash her head in with the cash machine, and bearing in mind this is Juno’s first line I think I’ve established her as my least favourite character since Al Murray became the Landlord.
I really can’t blame Page for representing the character this way since the dialogue is in fact horrible, and I know I may be being a bit harsh here, but when a film gets more recognition than four others for doing absolutely NOTHING new; it’s my job to tear the shit out of it.
So yeah turns out Juno’s pregnant, and we’re all meant to feel sorry for this insipid moron? She’s not even dating the guy she slept with, so if you ask me it’s a lot more credible to your personality if you laugh at the girl, I did.
Having said that I laughed at the girl I feel that I must point out that the movie didn’t make me laugh, I’m just mean. I feel that I must also say that I didn’t laugh at any other point in this film, because every single joke featured in this film is entirely focused on the Myspace generation, and whilst belonging to that generation, I feel nothing for it. I’ve actually refused to buy a laptop based on the fact that it had a Myspace wallpaper pre-installed.
Okay so I’ve whined enough now to talk about Juno’s good points, which are in retrospect Ellen Page. Despite having been given an awful character Page kindly asserts herself as an excellent actress and brighted up my day, a little.
Other than Page Juno is essentially every bad romantic comedy ever to grace our screens, with the poop jokes taken out and the bad mannered, unintelligent Myspace age people shoved in. Oh and the music’s terrible.
3/10
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barbet of Fleet Street Review
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street was originally a musical written and directed by Stephen Sondheim, it was a minimalist production, and has been universally praised. Last year Tim Burton announced that he would be adapting the musical into a film and that Johnny Depp would be starring as the murderous barber. This sent the billions of 12 year old, Pirates of the Caribbean influenced Depp fan-girls into quivers of excitement.
The bad news for them is that this film is an 18, everywhere, and considering that the murderous Mr. Todd and his accomplice Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter) kill, cook and sell the numerous unfortunate victims that wander into Sweeney’s shop, this isn’t at all surprising. The violence presented in this film is horrific, to the extent that it’s comical. Those who can’t handle gore or black humour should stay well away from this film.
The plot opens with an extremely dark credit sequence, in which animated blood shows us the path that Sweeney’s victims take, while this is well animated and accompanied by an appropriate score, the entire thing felt like the opening to a Marvel movie (Spiderman etc. For those not in the know), which is somewhat confusing.
We then cut to the first musical number (this is still a musical despite how it’s been advertised) in which a young sailor and a suitably dark Mr. Todd argue in about London in song. I’m not normally a fan of musicals but the songs in this film are seamlessly integrated into the dialogue, to the extent that at times I couldn’t tell whether the actors were singing or not, and if a musical number does break out, it contains more plot progression than about half an hour’s worth of dialogue.
The musical aspect of the film is a huge strength to both the director (Tim Burton, as previously mentioned) and the actors, as neither suffer from the need to be realistic and can accomplish incredibly surreal sequences, an area Burton excels in.
About midway through the first song, the camera pans outwards to reveal Sweeney’s London, a view which should assure everyone in the audience that Burton is a master of gothic film, and that this is the spiritual successor to Sleepy Hollow. Then Burton does something very clever with colour.
In a flashback sequence Burton reveals that Todd was once named Benjamin Barker but was torn away from his family, by a judge (Alan Rickman) who coveted his wife, and then sentenced to jail for 15 years. In this scene Burton also proves that he can work very well with colour and friendly atmospheres. We are also introduced to the positively chilling Beadle Bamford (Timothy Spall).
We then cut back to the miserable and gothic landscape that is so often associated with Burton, the contrast between the two environments is stunning and yet nothing seems out of place, such is the magic that Burton weaves.
Todd soon finds himself in the pie shop below his old barber shop. This is when we are introduced to Mrs. Lovett, who is on a par with Todd as being the most disturbing, perplexing, ruthless and yet likeable characters in the film.
The acting from everyone in the film is far above par, yet that seen from Depp and Carter is outstanding. Depp can say more with a single look than most actors can manage with a line of dialogue, and Carter’s portrayal of Mrs. Lovett’s twisted love of Todd is truly disturbing.
Yet the true strength of the acting is due to Burton’s decision not to demonise either character, even as Todd murders and sells anyone he encounters, and Lovett encourages his demented rage, they remain better than those who they pursue, even if only slightly. It would’ve been so easy for Burton to fall into the trap of not having a main character, yet he doesn’t as both Todd and Lovett, remain identifiable characters driven by human emotions.
The plot takes a large amount of time to get to the first murder, which is born out of necessity. The murder itself is quick but bloody. Gallons of blood pour from the first victim, and Depp smiles maliciously all the way through it, if anything were to put a fan-girl off Depp this is it.
After the first throat is slit the film progresses at a breakneck pace to its inevitable and bloody end, not much is left to the imagination, and anything that is, is completely justifiable from an artistic and tasteful stand-point. Everything is presented, filmed, acted and sung beautifully. This is a diamond in Burton’s crown.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barbet of Fleet Street is so close to being a masterpiece it’s painful to criticize it; the one thing that holds it back is its genre. It’s to arty for the blood crowd and to bloody for the art crowd, it takes a mixture of both to enjoy this film. Yet one thing is certain, Stephen Sondheim’s musical has been fully realised here, and this is Burtons crowning achievement. It’s bloody, satirical realism has implications to this day, and Burton has most definitely grown up and found his place in the world.
9/10
The bad news for them is that this film is an 18, everywhere, and considering that the murderous Mr. Todd and his accomplice Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter) kill, cook and sell the numerous unfortunate victims that wander into Sweeney’s shop, this isn’t at all surprising. The violence presented in this film is horrific, to the extent that it’s comical. Those who can’t handle gore or black humour should stay well away from this film.
The plot opens with an extremely dark credit sequence, in which animated blood shows us the path that Sweeney’s victims take, while this is well animated and accompanied by an appropriate score, the entire thing felt like the opening to a Marvel movie (Spiderman etc. For those not in the know), which is somewhat confusing.
We then cut to the first musical number (this is still a musical despite how it’s been advertised) in which a young sailor and a suitably dark Mr. Todd argue in about London in song. I’m not normally a fan of musicals but the songs in this film are seamlessly integrated into the dialogue, to the extent that at times I couldn’t tell whether the actors were singing or not, and if a musical number does break out, it contains more plot progression than about half an hour’s worth of dialogue.
The musical aspect of the film is a huge strength to both the director (Tim Burton, as previously mentioned) and the actors, as neither suffer from the need to be realistic and can accomplish incredibly surreal sequences, an area Burton excels in.
About midway through the first song, the camera pans outwards to reveal Sweeney’s London, a view which should assure everyone in the audience that Burton is a master of gothic film, and that this is the spiritual successor to Sleepy Hollow. Then Burton does something very clever with colour.
In a flashback sequence Burton reveals that Todd was once named Benjamin Barker but was torn away from his family, by a judge (Alan Rickman) who coveted his wife, and then sentenced to jail for 15 years. In this scene Burton also proves that he can work very well with colour and friendly atmospheres. We are also introduced to the positively chilling Beadle Bamford (Timothy Spall).
We then cut back to the miserable and gothic landscape that is so often associated with Burton, the contrast between the two environments is stunning and yet nothing seems out of place, such is the magic that Burton weaves.
Todd soon finds himself in the pie shop below his old barber shop. This is when we are introduced to Mrs. Lovett, who is on a par with Todd as being the most disturbing, perplexing, ruthless and yet likeable characters in the film.
The acting from everyone in the film is far above par, yet that seen from Depp and Carter is outstanding. Depp can say more with a single look than most actors can manage with a line of dialogue, and Carter’s portrayal of Mrs. Lovett’s twisted love of Todd is truly disturbing.
Yet the true strength of the acting is due to Burton’s decision not to demonise either character, even as Todd murders and sells anyone he encounters, and Lovett encourages his demented rage, they remain better than those who they pursue, even if only slightly. It would’ve been so easy for Burton to fall into the trap of not having a main character, yet he doesn’t as both Todd and Lovett, remain identifiable characters driven by human emotions.
The plot takes a large amount of time to get to the first murder, which is born out of necessity. The murder itself is quick but bloody. Gallons of blood pour from the first victim, and Depp smiles maliciously all the way through it, if anything were to put a fan-girl off Depp this is it.
After the first throat is slit the film progresses at a breakneck pace to its inevitable and bloody end, not much is left to the imagination, and anything that is, is completely justifiable from an artistic and tasteful stand-point. Everything is presented, filmed, acted and sung beautifully. This is a diamond in Burton’s crown.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barbet of Fleet Street is so close to being a masterpiece it’s painful to criticize it; the one thing that holds it back is its genre. It’s to arty for the blood crowd and to bloody for the art crowd, it takes a mixture of both to enjoy this film. Yet one thing is certain, Stephen Sondheim’s musical has been fully realised here, and this is Burtons crowning achievement. It’s bloody, satirical realism has implications to this day, and Burton has most definitely grown up and found his place in the world.
9/10
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