There Will Be Blood Review

I like this film's title. It promises something, makes me want to believe in the creative vision. Admittedly, I have a penis and the promise of blood seems to stir something within me which I can't control. Maybe someone without a penis would be better suited to review this...

Note to self: Stop trying to ruin career and/or manhood.

Anyway, There Will Be Blood centres around the characters of Daniel Plainview (charmingly portrayed by Daniel Day-Lewis) a self-centred and embittered silver prospector turned oilman and his son H.W (Dillon Freasier and Russell Harvard) as they attempt to drain the town of Little Boston of all of it's oil, much to the disgust of the local priest, Eli Sunday (Paul Dano). It sounds like a remarkably simple plot on the surface and many ways it is, the narrative seems to throw almost random events in at points simply to keep the plot flowing.

I wouldn't be so annoyed at this if I thought the film needed the extra sub-plots to build up to it's, admittedly fantastic, climax (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is one of my favourite films so I can hardly be accused of lacking patience) but it doesn't. Even if something as simple as the opening of the film had been cut (5-10 minutes without any dialogue) it would have trimmed enough off the film to keep it as a coherent and interesting narrative. Sadly this isn't the case.

Which is a real shame. All complaints about the plot aside, the overall impression left by the plot is flabbergasting. Everything is tied nicely together by an almost infallible script, the depth brought into a seeming defunct concept is awe inspiring and the nuances brought into the film are literally jaw dropping. It's just too long though.

The acting throughout the film is spectacular. In particular, Daniel Day-Lewis is perfectly cast in the lead role, playing the character flawlessly without any errors throughout the entire film. Similarly, co-star Paul Dano is outstanding as Eli Sunday, managing to pull off an interesting and disturbing vision of religion gone wrong.

Cinematically There Will Be Blood is and interesting and daring film if not an entirely successful one. The long periods of silence or harsh sound contrasting to the full blown roar of an occasional explosion or orchestral peak, coupled with the nice variation between artistic and carefully judged cinematography and experimental use cameras is always outstanding, if only hampered by length.

So, overall There Will Be Blood is an outstanding well put together and conceived film, rendered almost unwatchable thanks to it's overblown length and slow and unrelenting pacing. The one thing I will add is that there isn't actually that much blood, rendering my ill conceived penis joke useless as a closing line. Urm... I'll close your line?

Someone kill me.

8/10

Watchmen (Film) Review

I'd like to think that my writing has matured over the last year or so. I no longer shirk at challenges or dive for cover when reviewing even the simplest of materials. In fact I've recently become so outspoken about my jaded cynicism that people have become afraid of talking about films around me in case they throw me into a rant.

I'm still terrified of reviewing Watchmen.

Why? To put it simply; I'm terrified of reviewing this film because there is no consensus. At all. Not that I tailor my reviews to fit the consensus, but when reviewing something that could have me killed by over one thousand rabid fans I like to know where they stand so I can prepare accordingly. Therefore the problem with Watchmen is that I don't what is going to happen to me, however it's likely that it will end with my death no matter what I say.

Ah to hell with it, I'm already owed a few stabbings for my opinions on Twilight. I'm not going to hide from a few Watchmen fans when there are armies of rabid eight year olds after me.

Watchmen is based upon the masterful graphic novel of the same name written by Alan Moore and drawn by Dave Gibbons (which is reviewed here) and given the graphic novel's immense fan base, reputation as the greatest graphic novel of all time and Alan Moore's firm opposition to a film adaptation, this film was always going to be fraught with difficulties. Difficulties known as fans.

So to combat the worries of the fans the “visionary” director of 300 Zack Snyder was hired onto the set. Everyone thought the film was going to be cancelled again (Watchmen has been in and out development for over 20 years now, at point Arnold Schwarzenegger [Terminator, Predator and Batman and Robin] was rumoured to play Dr. Manhattan. Fun fact time is now over) and no-one much cared any more.

Then the first trailer came out, people realised that the film was actually going to happen and the nerd rage started. People were actually bitching about this film from the trailer, me included embarrassingly enough. Is it any wonder I was scared to review this?

So, I went into the theatre expecting to hate this with a passion. I didn't like 300, I'd never heard of any of the actors and I was of the opinion that Alan Moore is always right. Always. What did I actually think?

It's perfect.

After the film began I calmed down. I saw that Snyder has pretty much adapted the comic panel for panel. I begin to enjoy the story and settle in a dazed haze of happiness. The changed ending doesn't bother me, it seems to make more sense. It's perfect in every way.

At first I was worried that this was just me having a huge geek out. I ask the people who came to cinema with me. They think it's perfect too.

I can't really offer much else in the way of critique. I admit that the soundtrack is hugely inappropriate at points and that the women playing silk spectre is awful but when put into this array of perfection it doesn't really matter. Besides the woman play Silk Spectre, the acting is outstanding (special mention must be given to [fill in later] for his portrayal of Rorschach) and when sound is used correctly it is amazing.

All right I'm done. Watchmen is perfect. All is right with the world. I don't even care if you kill me now.

10/10

Stardust Review

I didn't want to buy Stardust at all. In fact I only bought it because I needed something which wouldn't make me physically sick to pad out my 3 for 2 offer. I wanted to watch it even less (not watching films I own is quite common for me. As an example: I own an unopened collection of all the Jurassic Park films. It has been unopened for four months now. I will never open it). In fact I only watched it to make the cynical little voices in my head shut up.

I'm building up a massive psychological case study on this website.

Anyway, Stardust is based on a Neil Gaiman novel of the same name and whilst I must admit that I'm not exactly a massive fan of Gaiman's (I was a little put off by American Gods and the army of people who seem to believe that he has never written a bad novel. Popularity is not becoming of someone with his style) I must admit that his storytelling does posses some originality. Stardust is, unfortunately, not subject to this admittance.

The plot revolves around...

The story begins with...

My usual approach to describing plot seems to be useless here (look I've used both of my sentence openings) so I think I'll try something else.

Yeah. That works.

I'm probably being too harsh, the plot isn't that hard to follow once you get past the astronomical number of plot holes. It's not even that badly written, it just has massive issues with tone and pace, often including comic moments in scenes which appear to be serious. Dialogue is a little ham-handed in place but it never becomes annoying (except for one scene. You'll know when you get there.) and action neatly placed within the narrative. The openings just a little hard to convey that's all.

As far as acting goes Stardust is outstandingly well furnished for something that delivers so little. With giants like Robert De Nero (The Godfather Part II, Taxi Driver and Raging Bull) on board I'd at least expect something passable from the majority of the actors. However, besides a few fleeting displays of brilliance from De Nero every line of dialogue delivered in Stardust seems forced, unrealistic and completely lacking of charisma due to this fact.

Overall, Stardust isn't appalling. I despise it but it isn't appalling. The semi-literate plot and dialogue alongside De Nero's performance make this a worthwhile rent if you need something to watch with your children or you're a huge Gaiman fan. No, those aren't compatible.

4/10