Control Review

Joy Division are a good band. I don't know anybody who hasn't heard Love Will Tear Us Apart at least once. Whilst the back-up members are undoubtedly talented (as can be seen in New Order's albums) the main appeal of Joy Division, at least in my case, has always been the morose lyricist Ian Curtis. Ergo, Control, a biopic about said lyricist is quite an appealing prospect to me.

Most biopics have an awful habit of adding meaning to the material that they are portraying. Whilst the outcome of this is varies, with occasionally outstanding results (see The Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford), most films that do this tend to suffer. In fact the majority of the biopic genre suffers from “Hollywood syndrome”, a strange affliction which favours action over accuracy.

This being said, Control is the best biopic I have ever seen in my entire life. Based on the biography of Curtis written by his ex-wife, the film is a heart-rending, entrancing and, above all else, accurate representation of Curtis' life. The script is airtight and never tries too hard. It never glamorises Curtis, instead a conscious decision has been made to show exactly how horrible he was to his wife whilst still showing that he has been massively misunderstood.

The casting is perfect. Sam Riley as Curtis is quite possibly some of the best casting I have ever seen. His performance is outstanding, capturing not only the mannerisms of his subject-matter, but also the atmosphere given off by his persona. The supporting cast are also fantastic, each manages to give a realistic and believable performance.

On the music side of things: the soundtrack is amazing. Other than simply featuring Joy Division songs, several other artists have been used to capture the atmosphere of the time, encapsulate the mood of any given scene and support the character development. Not only have appropriate songs been chosen, good songs have been chosen! Control's soundtrack is a rare gem.

In a daring move Control has been shot entirely in black and white, perhaps to mirror the mindset portrayed as Curtis'. This technique nevertheless supports the atmosphere intended for the film and creates a very closed environment when combined with the exquisite cinematography.

Overall, Control is a masterpiece. Not only does it tell the story of one of the most interesting musicians in recent history, it tells it right. The soundtrack alone is enough to make this film worth watching.

10/10

Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise Review

I've been putting this off for over a month. Not because I have to watch the film again: I don't. My review process involves me only watching a film once. Nor was I scared because I'm going to offend fans. None of the people using my website would find any of the Revenge of the Nerds (there a four) films at all funny. No, I was having trouble articulating my feelings for this monstrosity.

Believe me, it's horrific.

In theory I can end the review right here. Theory proven.

0/10

You won't let me though will you? You have to keep dragging me back in by reading these reviews. You're never content to leave me alone are you? I always have to justify my opinion to you. Well, I've got news for you.

I hate you.

For arguments sake: the above score is actually what I'm giving this film. The rest of the review will consist of why I think that. If it helps, try to think of this review as one of those films that starts with the end then spends the rest of it's runtime trying to justify why it did that. I hate that method: it rarely works well.

Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise (released in 1987) is a sequel to the freak hit Revenge of the Nerds (released in 1984). The original film centres around the exploits of the Tri-Lambs, a group of nerds who fit every stereotype under the sun. Despite never having heard of it until I saw the sequel in a bargain bin, some research shows that Revenge of the Nerds was funny enough to be named Bravo's 91^st funniest film and is feature in a parody on Family Guy.

I have now lost all respect for Bravo and Family Guy.

Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise is the same plot, in a different setting. The setting doesn't make sense though. That would by far too much to ask. Whereas in the first film the nerds were picked on at school for being nerdy, a perfectly normal occurrence (first hand experience), in the second film they get kicked out of a hotel for being nerds. Why? BECAUSE LOGIC HAS NO PLACE IN HELL!

The aforementioned “nerd hate” signifies one of the most sane plot points. Other, less sane, developments include: vaguely racist ambushes on the nerds with spears, kidnapping and abandonment, and finally, the discovery of a working tank in the middle of a desert island.

I could forgive all this if we had a likeable cast and some half-decent jokes. Instead what we get are characters based upon the worst clichés imaginable and jokes which not even the writer can have found funny. To illustrate my point: the nerds laugh at every joke in the film to show the audience that what they are experiencing is in fact meant to be humorous. Instead of an improved version of Japanese water torture.

This is actually the worst film I have ever seen. Films that are better than it include: The Man Who Saved The Earth, Battlefield Earth, Plan 9, Manos, Alone in the Dark, Catwoman and I know who killed me. The run-time on the back of the box states that Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise is 85 minutes long. It felt like a life time. The price claims to be £2. In reality it cost me my faith in humanity.

Brick Review

I've always been a massive fan of noir stories. The concept that all characters are merely stylised methods of driving home a completely ambiguous message makes me feel comfortable. As does the clichéd dialogue, the overly expository narration and the moody setting. In short: noir is the ultimate indulgence to me.

Second only to por... nothing.

So, enter Brick: an indie noir murder mystery film set within a school. The concept sounds a tiny bit bizarre but when you really think about it, everything fits. The detective is the school snitch and everything winds into place for a fun little comedy.

Only Brick isn't a comedy. It takes the basis formed in my above paragraph and makes it serious. The school snitch, Branden (Joseph Gordon-Levitt of Third rock from the Sun fame), finds his ex-girlfriend, Emily (Emilie de Ravin) dead. From there he sets out of a traditional tale of betrayal, lust and revenge.

The script, whilst lacking narration, is an expertly woven and unashamedly noir affair. It takes a while to learn to keep up with what the characters are actually saying, however, once this falls into place it's hard to see a flaw. Each character is as intricately woven as can be expected in this genre, each plot device feels natural and as the plot progressed I was completely engrossed.

As much as the film's success is due to writing, more is due to acting. In particular Joseph Gordon-Levitt delivers the most outstanding portrayal of a noir detective that I have ever seen. He even manages to pull of the stereotypical “hands in pockets” walk without making it seem stupid. The supporting cast are all outstanding. Each manages to nail the stereotype handed to them by the script whilst bring a level of credibility to the role.

The use of sound within the film is chilling. The music used to compliment dramatic moments is outstanding and the film's use of environmental sound is something almost unprecedented in the genre. Brick even manages to prove that not all noir has to be shot at night, in the rain.

So, overall Brick is the most expertly written, directed and acted noir film I have ever seen. Not only does it manage to incorporate almost all of the noir clichés expected in the genre, it also succeeds in elevating it past the stupidity expected. What lies as a result is a film which both conforms to and destroys expectations.

10/10

Dragonball: Evolution Review

I’ve been putting this one off for a while, mostly because it’s an easy target. I actually saw this at the cinéma. I went with friends; we may as well have been the only people there. So, what is Dragonball: Evolution?

It’s a bastardised version of Dragonball. Kind of.

When I say Dragonball: Evolution is a bastardised version of Dragonball what I mean is that anything that made Dragonball at all unique has been taken away and shot. What we’ve been left with is a collection of names.

If you’re a fan of the series you’ll hate this film. It shouldn’t surprise you by now either. Hollywood has quite clearly demonstrated that it has a process by which it can destroy any source material, no matter how good. I like to call it youthicising.

Youthicising a franchise consists of adding popular actors, explosions, sex and rock music to every scene. No matter how frivolous. It’s based on the theory that the entirety of my generation is comprised of moronic adrenaline junkies.

Whilst that may be true, it’s still annoying.

So now that I’ve made it abundantly clear that Dragonball Evolution will be horrific for fans to watch, I’d like to say that it is equally horrific for newcomers. The script is riddled with inconsistencies, puns and over-blown action, the acting is hammy at best and the special effects are laughable.

I actually can’t think of a single good thing about it.

So, go see it if you like watching young actors make complete idiots of themselves. Or if you enjoy watching a respectable franchise get torn apart from the inside. Or if it’s raining.

0/10